This past Monday, I didn't think that I could possibly wait seven more days to find out the results of our FET. But, alas, the week was full, busy, and actually went by rather quickly. Now it's Saturday and I only have a few more days to go until our Beta results on Monday.
Just to let you know, I am pretty sure that I am pregnant! I really, really wish that I would have written down how I felt during the 2ww, three years ago, but I didn't. And, even though it wasn't that long ago, I can't remember any specific symptoms, other than feeling extremely tired. This time around, I've felt a tightness in my abdomen since last Friday, queasiness, pings in my abdomen, and starting Tuesday night, the heavy- heavy-heavy tiredness that I've only felt when I have taken a muscle relaxer OR during my first trimester with Gracie. So----I think it's going to be good news!
This may not make sense. I've alluded to it before, but it seems our challenges have always been in the days, weeks, months and years prior to our transfer. I've always believed that if I could get past all of the hindrances, obstacles, road blocks etc., etc., to receiving our embryos, that they would flourish once they were in me. It was during those pre-transfer days that I absolutely poured out my heart before God, and completely surrendered my deams of ever becoming a parent to Him.
I wasn't 100% confident after our first FET, but I was more expectant to be 'expecting' than not. In fact, it wasn't until after Gracie was born that the realization came to me that we could have very easily been in the group of clients that did not get pregnant. This 'eye opener' caused me to thank God again for the miracle of our daughter. In fact, for the first several months of her life, I would cry over her every Monday, out of gratitude to God for her life. (She was born on a Monday.) I still tear up when I look at the pictures from the day she was born. It was such an incredible, amazing experience. On that day, I was in the midst of a real life miracle, and it was awesome! I know I'm totally taking a "bunny trail" here, but I must say that Gracie did flourish inside of my womb. She weighed 10 pounds, 5 ounces, and our OB/GYN said that her placenta was the largest singleton placenta she'd ever seen!
I have have had worries this week. Most of them are goofy, like worrying if I should be worrying about NOT being pregnant. But, I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about my fellow 2ww'ers/my EA blogging sisters. This morning I woke up with a song on my heart.
It's called, In the Waiting, by Shannon Wexelburg. Here's the chorus-
You are the waiting.
In that moment of my life, when my faith and hope collide.
While my heart's anticipating, just how and when You'll move, that's when You prove.
You are in the waiting too.
It's a beautiful song, written during Shannon's time of surrendering her will to the Father's plan. She and her husband have a moving story of how God walked them through their infertility. Here's a link to her adoption story.
My husband just asked what I was writing about, and in answer, I said, "I'm kind of rambling." Please forgive me! But I just wanted to talk! More than anything, I want to say that I have known God to be faithful in the Waiting~ My first waiting period was over 20 years, this one has been 3 years. I know that He will carry me through the next two days of waiting, and He will do the same for you! (No matter what you may be waiting for at this time in your life.!)
As always, I am so thankful for the friends that God has brought into my life- the ones I get to see on a fairly regular basis and those that I know through blogging. My life is blessed because of you! Krisa