Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Once More...
I am humbled to tell you that we are pregnant! My hcg was 81 today! I found out at work, around 2:30. I'm exhausted from the waiting! I would have loved to have had the time to fall on my face and just cry- giving thanks to God for this amazing news. Instead, I took a secret phone call in my storage closet. This 44 year old mommy is going to be a mommy again! I am so thankful! Thank you all for your fervant prayers!A Note to my NEDC EA mommies....Check your orders for bloodwork. Mine didn't have a diagnosis code checked. The person behind the desk closed his eyes and his ears so that I could take care of that. Your phlebotomist may not be so obliging. :)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
In the Waiting...
This past Monday, I didn't think that I could possibly wait seven more days to find out the results of our FET. But, alas, the week was full, busy, and actually went by rather quickly. Now it's Saturday and I only have a few more days to go until our Beta results on Monday.
Just to let you know, I am pretty sure that I am pregnant! I really, really wish that I would have written down how I felt during the 2ww, three years ago, but I didn't. And, even though it wasn't that long ago, I can't remember any specific symptoms, other than feeling extremely tired. This time around, I've felt a tightness in my abdomen since last Friday, queasiness, pings in my abdomen, and starting Tuesday night, the heavy- heavy-heavy tiredness that I've only felt when I have taken a muscle relaxer OR during my first trimester with Gracie. So----I think it's going to be good news!
This may not make sense. I've alluded to it before, but it seems our challenges have always been in the days, weeks, months and years prior to our transfer. I've always believed that if I could get past all of the hindrances, obstacles, road blocks etc., etc., to receiving our embryos, that they would flourish once they were in me. It was during those pre-transfer days that I absolutely poured out my heart before God, and completely surrendered my deams of ever becoming a parent to Him.
I wasn't 100% confident after our first FET, but I was more expectant to be 'expecting' than not. In fact, it wasn't until after Gracie was born that the realization came to me that we could have very easily been in the group of clients that did not get pregnant. This 'eye opener' caused me to thank God again for the miracle of our daughter. In fact, for the first several months of her life, I would cry over her every Monday, out of gratitude to God for her life. (She was born on a Monday.) I still tear up when I look at the pictures from the day she was born. It was such an incredible, amazing experience. On that day, I was in the midst of a real life miracle, and it was awesome! I know I'm totally taking a "bunny trail" here, but I must say that Gracie did flourish inside of my womb. She weighed 10 pounds, 5 ounces, and our OB/GYN said that her placenta was the largest singleton placenta she'd ever seen!
I have have had worries this week. Most of them are goofy, like worrying if I should be worrying about NOT being pregnant. But, I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about my fellow 2ww'ers/my EA blogging sisters. This morning I woke up with a song on my heart.
It's called, In the Waiting, by Shannon Wexelburg. Here's the chorus-
You are the waiting.
In that moment of my life, when my faith and hope collide.
While my heart's anticipating, just how and when You'll move, that's when You prove.
You are in the waiting too.
It's a beautiful song, written during Shannon's time of surrendering her will to the Father's plan. She and her husband have a moving story of how God walked them through their infertility. Here's a link to her adoption story.
https://www.shannonwexelberg.com/index.cfm/pageid/957/index.html
My husband just asked what I was writing about, and in answer, I said, "I'm kind of rambling." Please forgive me! But I just wanted to talk! More than anything, I want to say that I have known God to be faithful in the Waiting~ My first waiting period was over 20 years, this one has been 3 years. I know that He will carry me through the next two days of waiting, and He will do the same for you! (No matter what you may be waiting for at this time in your life.!)
As always, I am so thankful for the friends that God has brought into my life- the ones I get to see on a fairly regular basis and those that I know through blogging. My life is blessed because of you! Krisa
Just to let you know, I am pretty sure that I am pregnant! I really, really wish that I would have written down how I felt during the 2ww, three years ago, but I didn't. And, even though it wasn't that long ago, I can't remember any specific symptoms, other than feeling extremely tired. This time around, I've felt a tightness in my abdomen since last Friday, queasiness, pings in my abdomen, and starting Tuesday night, the heavy- heavy-heavy tiredness that I've only felt when I have taken a muscle relaxer OR during my first trimester with Gracie. So----I think it's going to be good news!
This may not make sense. I've alluded to it before, but it seems our challenges have always been in the days, weeks, months and years prior to our transfer. I've always believed that if I could get past all of the hindrances, obstacles, road blocks etc., etc., to receiving our embryos, that they would flourish once they were in me. It was during those pre-transfer days that I absolutely poured out my heart before God, and completely surrendered my deams of ever becoming a parent to Him.
I wasn't 100% confident after our first FET, but I was more expectant to be 'expecting' than not. In fact, it wasn't until after Gracie was born that the realization came to me that we could have very easily been in the group of clients that did not get pregnant. This 'eye opener' caused me to thank God again for the miracle of our daughter. In fact, for the first several months of her life, I would cry over her every Monday, out of gratitude to God for her life. (She was born on a Monday.) I still tear up when I look at the pictures from the day she was born. It was such an incredible, amazing experience. On that day, I was in the midst of a real life miracle, and it was awesome! I know I'm totally taking a "bunny trail" here, but I must say that Gracie did flourish inside of my womb. She weighed 10 pounds, 5 ounces, and our OB/GYN said that her placenta was the largest singleton placenta she'd ever seen!
I have have had worries this week. Most of them are goofy, like worrying if I should be worrying about NOT being pregnant. But, I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about my fellow 2ww'ers/my EA blogging sisters. This morning I woke up with a song on my heart.
It's called, In the Waiting, by Shannon Wexelburg. Here's the chorus-
You are the waiting.
In that moment of my life, when my faith and hope collide.
While my heart's anticipating, just how and when You'll move, that's when You prove.
You are in the waiting too.
It's a beautiful song, written during Shannon's time of surrendering her will to the Father's plan. She and her husband have a moving story of how God walked them through their infertility. Here's a link to her adoption story.
https://www.shannonwexelberg.com/index.cfm/pageid/957/index.html
My husband just asked what I was writing about, and in answer, I said, "I'm kind of rambling." Please forgive me! But I just wanted to talk! More than anything, I want to say that I have known God to be faithful in the Waiting~ My first waiting period was over 20 years, this one has been 3 years. I know that He will carry me through the next two days of waiting, and He will do the same for you! (No matter what you may be waiting for at this time in your life.!)
As always, I am so thankful for the friends that God has brought into my life- the ones I get to see on a fairly regular basis and those that I know through blogging. My life is blessed because of you! Krisa
Friday, September 17, 2010
Two Precious Embryos!
Yesterday was our day!!! Our appt. was at 12:45. We slept late. Well, I tried to sleep late. I actually awakened around 5, and slept off and on until 9:00! We "poked" around, and then had a lovely brunch around 11:30. Actually, just to add to my list of things forgotten, I will tell you this. I brought my ipod so that I would have some of my favorite music to listen to during the transfer. I even brought the charger, but failed to bring the cord that you connect to the charger! So, we did have to stop at Best Buy before our meal and make a small purchase!
On our way to the clinic, we had one more obstacle. The road we needed to take was closed!!! We had given ourselves 15 minutes to get there, which would have been plenty of time, but the police officer directing traffic detoured us! We ended up being a few minutes late!!! Who is late for their frozen embryo transfer???? Fortunately, I had already taken my valuum and it didn't phase me too much!
Once we finally got back to the back, we received happy, happy news! Carol(the embryologist) introduced us to our embryos. She thawed the two from our first choice donor and both survived! They are blastocysts and were graded 3AA, and 2AB. I found out later that at the time of transfer they had expanded even further and were 5AA, and 4AB! Carol said they looked wonderful. Then, we got the bill for the fees associated with the 4 donors we had chosen on Tuesday. If they had needed to use all of those embryos, the fee would have been over $1000. However, the fees for our first choice totalled $4.07! I was so happy, and felt so blessed by God!
I actually didn't go back for the transfer until about 2:00. They were really busy yesterday. I was their last patient for the day. The first part of the procedure was not pleasant at all, but the nurses were very comforting and kind to me. Once we got past that part, I was ok. Once Dr. Keenan stood up and I knew we were finished, the tears of joy began to flow! What a journey, but we made it. And now, we have two little ones inside my womb.
Thank you for all your heartfelt prayers on our behalf!
One more obstacle....we realized that since we were staying an additional day, we were going to run out of Progesterone in oil. We were asking the nurse if they could call in another prescription for it, but were told that there was only one pharmacy in Knoxville that might have it in stock, but that was unlikely. Thankfully, the patient next to us overheard our conversation. They live locally and offered to sell us one of their extra vials!
Soooooo.... here's my advise- Google your hotel (if you're unfamiliar with it and make sure it really is what Priceline says it is), Pack extra PIO, don't forget the syringes, look at your directions for embryo transfer right now and see if you have all of the prescribed medications that you'll need (like valuum), if you're taking your camera- bring the battery charger (I forgot that too!), and if you are bringing an ipod- make sure you have the charger and cord. Leave for the clinic 30 minutes early, even though it's 10 minutes away. And finally- TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART- LEAN NOT IN YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT!!!!!
On our way to the clinic, we had one more obstacle. The road we needed to take was closed!!! We had given ourselves 15 minutes to get there, which would have been plenty of time, but the police officer directing traffic detoured us! We ended up being a few minutes late!!! Who is late for their frozen embryo transfer???? Fortunately, I had already taken my valuum and it didn't phase me too much!
Once we finally got back to the back, we received happy, happy news! Carol(the embryologist) introduced us to our embryos. She thawed the two from our first choice donor and both survived! They are blastocysts and were graded 3AA, and 2AB. I found out later that at the time of transfer they had expanded even further and were 5AA, and 4AB! Carol said they looked wonderful. Then, we got the bill for the fees associated with the 4 donors we had chosen on Tuesday. If they had needed to use all of those embryos, the fee would have been over $1000. However, the fees for our first choice totalled $4.07! I was so happy, and felt so blessed by God!
I actually didn't go back for the transfer until about 2:00. They were really busy yesterday. I was their last patient for the day. The first part of the procedure was not pleasant at all, but the nurses were very comforting and kind to me. Once we got past that part, I was ok. Once Dr. Keenan stood up and I knew we were finished, the tears of joy began to flow! What a journey, but we made it. And now, we have two little ones inside my womb.
Thank you for all your heartfelt prayers on our behalf!
One more obstacle....we realized that since we were staying an additional day, we were going to run out of Progesterone in oil. We were asking the nurse if they could call in another prescription for it, but were told that there was only one pharmacy in Knoxville that might have it in stock, but that was unlikely. Thankfully, the patient next to us overheard our conversation. They live locally and offered to sell us one of their extra vials!
Soooooo.... here's my advise- Google your hotel (if you're unfamiliar with it and make sure it really is what Priceline says it is), Pack extra PIO, don't forget the syringes, look at your directions for embryo transfer right now and see if you have all of the prescribed medications that you'll need (like valuum), if you're taking your camera- bring the battery charger (I forgot that too!), and if you are bringing an ipod- make sure you have the charger and cord. Leave for the clinic 30 minutes early, even though it's 10 minutes away. And finally- TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART- LEAN NOT IN YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT!!!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
We're in Knoxville
Hi Everyone! We're at the public library in Farragut, TN, getting caught up with all of you. I have some news, but first- I just have to say that I've been reading all of your blogs. They have made me laugh, and cry, and just generally feel so blessed to be a part of this EA family.
Here's the latest with us...We left yesterday, and hadn't gone far when the Nurse called with our time to arrive for our transfer. We had just gotten off the phone with her, when my husband's phone rang. It was Dr. Keenan. I immediately knew why he was calling, and my intuition was correct. Carol had just started thawing our embryos. Unfortunately, none of them survived the thaw. None. This rarely happens. Clydene said she thinks it may have happened one other time, but it was quite a while ago. Dr. Keenan gave us two options. #1- Start all over again and try to get in on the November transfer schedule. #2- Even though time is short, try to find an anonymous donor. We chose the second option.
Now, instead of having a transfer today, we are scheduled for tomorrow.
What can I tell you? I was disappointed and saddened, but somehow I just knew that this was going to happen. Not because I was pessimistic, but as I was awakening yesterday, I just had the thought...
Thanks to many of your stories, I had this perspective...our embryos were 14 years old. During those 14 years, they have been in limbo. But yesterday, they were set free. They are with Jesus. We prayed for the donor family, for I'm sure this news will be difficult for them as well. But, they can be confident that they did the best they could do to give these embryos a chance at life.
I have a lot of emotions going on, but this is my bottom line. The route we're taking is not one that we would have ever chosen. God knows everything. He knew what was going to happen to our embryos. So, I believe that He has used each detour to get us to these new embryos.
Yesterday was just a crazy sort of day. In addition to the disappointing news, the following events unfolded...
1. I realized when I was packing that I was never given any valuum. So the nurse had to call that in for me. We had to figure out which pharmacy to use in Knoxville etc. etc.
2. Clydene called us with the profile information of about 7 or 8 donors. She read each one to us, while I took notes. That was teamwork! The precious thing was that she prayed with us before we got started. We had just finished praying for the team at NEDC as they were trying to figure out what to do with us.
3. I realized a few more hours down the road, that I packed my PIO, but no syringes! Another call to NEDC!
4. When we got to the pharmacy, we discovered that the nurse had given the pharmacist an incorrect birthdate. Apparently, there is a Christa Winn that lives somewhere in GA. That took a while to figure out. Patience, patience!
5.We finally arrived at our supposed 3-4 star hotel to discover...it was not! Name your own price with Priceline- let us down! We checked out this morning.
6. When Byron drew up my shot last night, I realized that I had also forgotten any alcohol swabs! Not a huge deal, but I was starting to wonder what else could go wrong!!!
The great part of yesterday was being able to actually talk to Tracey and Britney on the phone! I was more thankful than ever to have met all of you dear EA sista's!
God is faithful!!!!!!!! Krisa
Here's the latest with us...We left yesterday, and hadn't gone far when the Nurse called with our time to arrive for our transfer. We had just gotten off the phone with her, when my husband's phone rang. It was Dr. Keenan. I immediately knew why he was calling, and my intuition was correct. Carol had just started thawing our embryos. Unfortunately, none of them survived the thaw. None. This rarely happens. Clydene said she thinks it may have happened one other time, but it was quite a while ago. Dr. Keenan gave us two options. #1- Start all over again and try to get in on the November transfer schedule. #2- Even though time is short, try to find an anonymous donor. We chose the second option.
Now, instead of having a transfer today, we are scheduled for tomorrow.
What can I tell you? I was disappointed and saddened, but somehow I just knew that this was going to happen. Not because I was pessimistic, but as I was awakening yesterday, I just had the thought...
Thanks to many of your stories, I had this perspective...our embryos were 14 years old. During those 14 years, they have been in limbo. But yesterday, they were set free. They are with Jesus. We prayed for the donor family, for I'm sure this news will be difficult for them as well. But, they can be confident that they did the best they could do to give these embryos a chance at life.
I have a lot of emotions going on, but this is my bottom line. The route we're taking is not one that we would have ever chosen. God knows everything. He knew what was going to happen to our embryos. So, I believe that He has used each detour to get us to these new embryos.
Yesterday was just a crazy sort of day. In addition to the disappointing news, the following events unfolded...
1. I realized when I was packing that I was never given any valuum. So the nurse had to call that in for me. We had to figure out which pharmacy to use in Knoxville etc. etc.
2. Clydene called us with the profile information of about 7 or 8 donors. She read each one to us, while I took notes. That was teamwork! The precious thing was that she prayed with us before we got started. We had just finished praying for the team at NEDC as they were trying to figure out what to do with us.
3. I realized a few more hours down the road, that I packed my PIO, but no syringes! Another call to NEDC!
4. When we got to the pharmacy, we discovered that the nurse had given the pharmacist an incorrect birthdate. Apparently, there is a Christa Winn that lives somewhere in GA. That took a while to figure out. Patience, patience!
5.We finally arrived at our supposed 3-4 star hotel to discover...it was not! Name your own price with Priceline- let us down! We checked out this morning.
6. When Byron drew up my shot last night, I realized that I had also forgotten any alcohol swabs! Not a huge deal, but I was starting to wonder what else could go wrong!!!
The great part of yesterday was being able to actually talk to Tracey and Britney on the phone! I was more thankful than ever to have met all of you dear EA sista's!
God is faithful!!!!!!!! Krisa
Friday, September 10, 2010
Down to the Wire!!!
Hi Everyone!
Sorry it's been so long since my last update. We have had some activity, but it took until yesterday to get the news that we needed. Finally- 5 days before our transfer, our donors signed the Open Adoption Agreement and sent their copy to Bethany. I am so grateful for all of your prayers. These past few weeks of waiting have not been easy. Really, nothing about this transfer this time around has been easy. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, "Just get us to Dr. Keenan's office and I know everything will be fine!" But, whew! The path to September 15th has been a rocky one! (For anyone who is exploring embryo adoption, please don't let our experience scare you away! This is our second embryo adoption, and we didn't go through anything close to this 3 years ago.)
Yesterday was also the day for my second ultrasound and labs. Everything looks great! My lining measured 13. Anything over 8 is what they want to see at this point. I begin 'the big shots' tomorrow. I teach on Monday, leave for Tennessee on Tuesday, and receive our precious embryos on Wednesday.
We got another special blessing yesterday as well- Our donors sent pictures of their family. It was exciting to get a glimpse of what the future may hold for us.
A prayer request for the next few days- peace for mommy and daddy as we leave our little one with her grandparents while we're gone for four days. Gone for four days??? I can't hardly stand the thought of being away from our baby that long. Going to Knoxville is mixed with bitter and sweet thoughts. I hope you all don't think I'm a 'basket case', but that's just the way I feel!
To quote the apostle Paul, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!" Thank you for walking with me over these past few months!!!
Sorry it's been so long since my last update. We have had some activity, but it took until yesterday to get the news that we needed. Finally- 5 days before our transfer, our donors signed the Open Adoption Agreement and sent their copy to Bethany. I am so grateful for all of your prayers. These past few weeks of waiting have not been easy. Really, nothing about this transfer this time around has been easy. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, "Just get us to Dr. Keenan's office and I know everything will be fine!" But, whew! The path to September 15th has been a rocky one! (For anyone who is exploring embryo adoption, please don't let our experience scare you away! This is our second embryo adoption, and we didn't go through anything close to this 3 years ago.)
Yesterday was also the day for my second ultrasound and labs. Everything looks great! My lining measured 13. Anything over 8 is what they want to see at this point. I begin 'the big shots' tomorrow. I teach on Monday, leave for Tennessee on Tuesday, and receive our precious embryos on Wednesday.
We got another special blessing yesterday as well- Our donors sent pictures of their family. It was exciting to get a glimpse of what the future may hold for us.
A prayer request for the next few days- peace for mommy and daddy as we leave our little one with her grandparents while we're gone for four days. Gone for four days??? I can't hardly stand the thought of being away from our baby that long. Going to Knoxville is mixed with bitter and sweet thoughts. I hope you all don't think I'm a 'basket case', but that's just the way I feel!
To quote the apostle Paul, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!" Thank you for walking with me over these past few months!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Here's what's going on in our 'neck of the woods'. First of all, thanks for your prayers. I have felt much more peaceful since my last posting.
We heard from our case worker on Sunday, and then again on Monday. She was able to make contact with our donor family. On Monday, many of my unfounded fears were dispelled! Hallelujah! So far, this family is everything they seemed to be on the profile we received. They still had a few questions for us, and are processing all of the various options for degreess of openness. Deb, our caseworker, called and emailed us yesterday to tell us that she should be talking to them again on Thursday to 'nail' things down. Maybe we'll have our paperwork early next week? Hopefully!!! This is a really big deal. Without this paperwork completed, we have no legal right to these embryos, and we're now 15 days away from transfer.
BUT- GOD IS IN CONTROL! On Monday, I read from Mark 5, where Jairius' daughter was dying and needed a touch from Jesus. On the way to the house, someone came and told Jairuis not to 'trouble the Master' because his daughter was already dead. Jesus' reply? "Do not be afraid. Only believe." I realized that I was being my own best naysayer. Just like Jairus, we are very, very close to a miracle. I don't need to panic or be afraid, but relax in the hugeness of God. I need to- "only believe."
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