The Next Step...

I had my lab work and ultrasound today. Everything, "Looked great!" So, I just follow the medical protocol from here on out. I was very relieved to hear those words!

But, would you all please keep us in your prayers? You see, we still haven't even started our open agreement process with our new donors. We have our first phone meeting with our caseworker from Bethany Christian Services on Saturday. I have no idea if she's contacted our donors yet, or where she is in the process. My husband says that I'm analyzing and worrying about this too much. He's probably right, but- where in the world would he ever get the idea that I analyze too much? Hmmmmm????? Anyway, given all of the weirdness during our previous two open agreement processes this time around- I'm a little nervous. I'm praying for no more surprises, curve balls, unique situations etc. You get the idea. I would soooo appreciate your prayers.

In the Words of Dora the Explorer...

"I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay! Yes, I did it!
I got out the Lupron, put it in the needle- Yes I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay!!
I said a short prayer and gave myself the first shot! Yes I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay!!
I did it!"

Interpretation...I started Lupron today and gave myself the first dose. Quite a big deal for someone who hates needles! One step closer!

Happy News!

Our waiting is over. We heard from Clydene this morning and found out that our new donors have accepted us!

We were told on Monday that they were still praying about the decision. That actually made us feel even better about this family. It was good to know that they were taking time to hear from the Lord. We had been praying for them, that if we were the ones for them that they would have complete peace. We really liked their profile, but after all we'd been through we were feeling a bit 'gun shy' about knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would be "the ones." One thing we did know, we didn't want to be outside of God's plan in all of this. We are so very relieved to know that we will be in the September cycle, and that after eight months, 4 different donor families, and 20 embryos we now have our match! Whew!!!! Such happy news!

This week, as we've been waiting, I kept thinking about the song in the video below. When I first heard it, several months ago. I remember crying out to God saying, "Lord Jesus- You are the joy that is set before me. Byron isn't the source of my joy. Gracie isn't the reason I get up every morning. It isn't our next baby that will fulfill the cry of my heart. It is You! It is You! You are my hope. You are my future. You are the joy, the end goal that is set before me!" I needed to listen to this song again, and keep this perspective. It was my way of surrendering to Him. Please don't get me wrong. I am not untouched by stress and worry. I checked my email more times than I care to admit, and had my cell phone attached to my body at all times during the wait. I guess what I want to say here is that keeping my eyes on Jesus carried me through these past 8 days. Praying, reading the Word, talking with others of like faith, listening to worship music helped me to keep that perspective when I wanted to give up, stress out, or just analyze the situation to death! We are thrilled with today's news. But I know, had the news been different, I could still trust Him and you can too. Love~ Krisa

Twists and Turns

Last week, one of my new blogger friends asked me if I ever worried that our first FET would fail. My answer was, "No." I went on to talk about the things that did bring worry and fear. But as the days went by and I pondered that question, I realized that my real fear back then was that we'd never even get to the first FET! We had had so many roadblocks along the way, and our embryo adoption journey was no exception. I know that God has led us to this second EA, but I am definitely feeling the need to put on my armour once again as we continue to hit bumps in the road.

I wrote in an earlier post that I wasn't as comfortable with our back up donor, as I was with our number one choice. Well, on Friday, I got up the nerve to call the patient coordinator at the NEDC. I told her I was having second thoughts about our back up donor. On Monday, I spoke with the embryologist and felt somewhat better. Later that afternoon, I got a call from the NEDC. I was told that our back up donor had decided to decline us. I was so excited! Whew! God intervened!

On Tuesday morning, we received a new profile to review. We had some concerns.... Later that evening, we met (by phone) with our mediator from Bethany. As we were discussing the change in our donor status, it became clear that there was a misunderstanding. It wasn't our back up donor that declined us, it was our first choice! We were so shocked and disappointed. We don't know why they decided to change their minds, we didn't ask. I don't really want to know at this point. (My mother in law wisely pointed out that God surely has a purpose in this. She said, "You may never know what that purpose is on this side of heaven, and on the other side of heaven- it won't matter!") Once we were off the phone with the mediator, we prayed together and spent the rest of the evening enjoying our Gracie girl! We are so thankful to have her in our lives. She is worth every delay and frustration we ever faced!

I still believe that God has intervened. I sincerely believe that every detail of my life is washed in His grace. I would so appreciate your prayers as we proceed. Right now, my preference would be to start over- again. We need God's wisdom, and we need everything to go smoothly so that we have our open agreement completed within the time parameters that remain.
Thanks so much!!! Krisa

Update: I've been on the phone with NEDC throughout this morning. The patient coordinator has sent us a profile that looks like a great match for us. We've given her the 'thumbs up'. Now we have to wait and see if they accept us. Using this donor would mean that we no longer need our back up.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26

Mystery Solved!

If you've read my story about our first embryo adoption, you will know that my sweet husband and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary about a month after the birth of our precious baby girl. During the past year, as it has come up, he has told people, "Yes, we've been married for 24 years and we just can't wait to see what our two year old daughter has planned for our silver anniversary!" Well, this past weekend, we found out! She took us to Idlewild, in Ligonier, PA. http://www.idlewild.com/ It's an amusement park that has some wonderful sections that are just perfect for toddlers! We had a great time!Ok, her choice was a little non-traditional, but we loved it!
I can tell you that we never imagined being mommy and daddy to a two year old sweetie on our 25th anniversary, but we wouldn't have it any other way! Waiting is difficult, sometimes dark,and full of battles, but the reward is tremendous.
As the Bible says, "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

Accepted

Here's the latest....yesterday, I received an email from Clydene at the NEDC. Both of our donor families have agreed for us to be recepients of their embryos. She is faxing all the information to Bethany headquarters in Michigan. Soon, we'll be hearing from them and will begin to work out our Open Agreement! Hopefully, this will go quite smoothly, since we just went through the process three weeks ago.
If you read my story about the past 12 months, you will know that Bethany's new fee for providing mediation through the open agreement, and for one year after birth really discouraged us. It's $3,000.00, on top of the fees you pay for the homestudy. But, I'm really glad they are doing it the way they are now.
We had a mediator 3 years ago. She was wonderful, and we instantly adored her! We even arranged to meet her when we travelled to Knoxville for our first FET. But, the 'working out' of our Open Agreement, was very general and layed back. She would ask how we wanted to handle a certain situation, like communication, for instance, and we'd say, "We really don't know. How have other people done it?" She would tell us what others had done, and we'd say, "OK, that sounds fine." This time around, we had at least 3, hour long phone meetings- answering questions, being given scenarios to think about, and finding out more details about our donor family. If we hadn't had those meetings, we wouldn't have discovered what we did about our original family. So....I'm gladly paying the fee, and thankful for the experience that Bethany and the NEDC have gleaned over the past few years.

Back Up Donor

Well, it didn't take long for us to hear back from the NEDC about a back up donor. We received an additional profile today. This one has 3 multicells. The donating mother is older, 42, which concerned me a little, but everything else looked good. I sent the profile to my husband and he said he thought we should go for it. I emailed Clydene, the patient coordinator, and told her our decision. She said that she would send our non-identifying profile to each of the donors for their approval. I thought that had already been done, because that's the typical procedure for open adoptions. So... hopefully everything will go through in the next few days and we can begin working out open agreements with these families.

To be honest, I hope that we don't have to use the back up donor. It may seem crazy, but I feel a bond with the donor we 'met on paper' yesterday. I'm already praying that the perfect number of embryos will make it through the thawing and transfer process.

On a side note- blogging is so much fun, but kind of hard for me. I struggle over how much information to share, and even over the titles for my posts! Here's the funny thing...my friend, and former Bethany Christian Services counselor/caseworker, forwarded my blog to someone in the Richmond office. That person has asked me to write an article for their newsletter about why I chose to start a blog. Their theme for August is Ways to Connect in the Adoption World. I'm so NOT expert, but I'm excited!!