We're in Knoxville

Hi Everyone! We're at the public library in Farragut, TN, getting caught up with all of you. I have some news, but first- I just have to say that I've been reading all of your blogs. They have made me laugh, and cry, and just generally feel so blessed to be a part of this EA family.
Here's the latest with us...We left yesterday, and hadn't gone far when the Nurse called with our time to arrive for our transfer. We had just gotten off the phone with her, when my husband's phone rang. It was Dr. Keenan. I immediately knew why he was calling, and my intuition was correct. Carol had just started thawing our embryos. Unfortunately, none of them survived the thaw. None. This rarely happens. Clydene said she thinks it may have happened one other time, but it was quite a while ago. Dr. Keenan gave us two options. #1- Start all over again and try to get in on the November transfer schedule. #2- Even though time is short, try to find an anonymous donor. We chose the second option.
Now, instead of having a transfer today, we are scheduled for tomorrow.

What can I tell you? I was disappointed and saddened, but somehow I just knew that this was going to happen. Not because I was pessimistic, but as I was awakening yesterday, I just had the thought...
Thanks to many of your stories, I had this perspective...our embryos were 14 years old. During those 14 years, they have been in limbo. But yesterday, they were set free. They are with Jesus. We prayed for the donor family, for I'm sure this news will be difficult for them as well. But, they can be confident that they did the best they could do to give these embryos a chance at life.
I have a lot of emotions going on, but this is my bottom line. The route we're taking is not one that we would have ever chosen. God knows everything. He knew what was going to happen to our embryos. So, I believe that He has used each detour to get us to these new embryos.

Yesterday was just a crazy sort of day. In addition to the disappointing news, the following events unfolded...
1. I realized when I was packing that I was never given any valuum. So the nurse had to call that in for me. We had to figure out which pharmacy to use in Knoxville etc. etc.
2. Clydene called us with the profile information of about 7 or 8 donors. She read each one to us, while I took notes. That was teamwork! The precious thing was that she prayed with us before we got started. We had just finished praying for the team at NEDC as they were trying to figure out what to do with us.
3. I realized a few more hours down the road, that I packed my PIO, but no syringes! Another call to NEDC!
4. When we got to the pharmacy, we discovered that the nurse had given the pharmacist an incorrect birthdate. Apparently, there is a Christa Winn that lives somewhere in GA. That took a while to figure out. Patience, patience!
5.We finally arrived at our supposed 3-4 star hotel to discover...it was not! Name your own price with Priceline- let us down! We checked out this morning.
6. When Byron drew up my shot last night, I realized that I had also forgotten any alcohol swabs! Not a huge deal, but I was starting to wonder what else could go wrong!!!

The great part of yesterday was being able to actually talk to Tracey and Britney on the phone! I was more thankful than ever to have met all of you dear EA sista's!

God is faithful!!!!!!!! Krisa

Down to the Wire!!!

Hi Everyone!
Sorry it's been so long since my last update. We have had some activity, but it took until yesterday to get the news that we needed. Finally- 5 days before our transfer, our donors signed the Open Adoption Agreement and sent their copy to Bethany. I am so grateful for all of your prayers. These past few weeks of waiting have not been easy. Really, nothing about this transfer this time around has been easy. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, "Just get us to Dr. Keenan's office and I know everything will be fine!" But, whew! The path to September 15th has been a rocky one! (For anyone who is exploring embryo adoption, please don't let our experience scare you away! This is our second embryo adoption, and we didn't go through anything close to this 3 years ago.)

Yesterday was also the day for my second ultrasound and labs. Everything looks great! My lining measured 13. Anything over 8 is what they want to see at this point. I begin 'the big shots' tomorrow. I teach on Monday, leave for Tennessee on Tuesday, and receive our precious embryos on Wednesday.

We got another special blessing yesterday as well- Our donors sent pictures of their family. It was exciting to get a glimpse of what the future may hold for us.

A prayer request for the next few days- peace for mommy and daddy as we leave our little one with her grandparents while we're gone for four days. Gone for four days??? I can't hardly stand the thought of being away from our baby that long. Going to Knoxville is mixed with bitter and sweet thoughts. I hope you all don't think I'm a 'basket case', but that's just the way I feel!

To quote the apostle Paul, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!" Thank you for walking with me over these past few months!!!

Here's what's going on in our 'neck of the woods'. First of all, thanks for your prayers. I have felt much more peaceful since my last posting.

We heard from our case worker on Sunday, and then again on Monday. She was able to make contact with our donor family. On Monday, many of my unfounded fears were dispelled! Hallelujah! So far, this family is everything they seemed to be on the profile we received. They still had a few questions for us, and are processing all of the various options for degreess of openness. Deb, our caseworker, called and emailed us yesterday to tell us that she should be talking to them again on Thursday to 'nail' things down. Maybe we'll have our paperwork early next week? Hopefully!!! This is a really big deal. Without this paperwork completed, we have no legal right to these embryos, and we're now 15 days away from transfer.

BUT- GOD IS IN CONTROL! On Monday, I read from Mark 5, where Jairius' daughter was dying and needed a touch from Jesus. On the way to the house, someone came and told Jairuis not to 'trouble the Master' because his daughter was already dead. Jesus' reply? "Do not be afraid. Only believe." I realized that I was being my own best naysayer. Just like Jairus, we are very, very close to a miracle. I don't need to panic or be afraid, but relax in the hugeness of God. I need to- "only believe."

The Next Step...

I had my lab work and ultrasound today. Everything, "Looked great!" So, I just follow the medical protocol from here on out. I was very relieved to hear those words!

But, would you all please keep us in your prayers? You see, we still haven't even started our open agreement process with our new donors. We have our first phone meeting with our caseworker from Bethany Christian Services on Saturday. I have no idea if she's contacted our donors yet, or where she is in the process. My husband says that I'm analyzing and worrying about this too much. He's probably right, but- where in the world would he ever get the idea that I analyze too much? Hmmmmm????? Anyway, given all of the weirdness during our previous two open agreement processes this time around- I'm a little nervous. I'm praying for no more surprises, curve balls, unique situations etc. You get the idea. I would soooo appreciate your prayers.

In the Words of Dora the Explorer...

"I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay! Yes, I did it!
I got out the Lupron, put it in the needle- Yes I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay!!
I said a short prayer and gave myself the first shot! Yes I did it! I did it! I did it! Yay!!
I did it!"

Interpretation...I started Lupron today and gave myself the first dose. Quite a big deal for someone who hates needles! One step closer!

Happy News!

Our waiting is over. We heard from Clydene this morning and found out that our new donors have accepted us!

We were told on Monday that they were still praying about the decision. That actually made us feel even better about this family. It was good to know that they were taking time to hear from the Lord. We had been praying for them, that if we were the ones for them that they would have complete peace. We really liked their profile, but after all we'd been through we were feeling a bit 'gun shy' about knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would be "the ones." One thing we did know, we didn't want to be outside of God's plan in all of this. We are so very relieved to know that we will be in the September cycle, and that after eight months, 4 different donor families, and 20 embryos we now have our match! Whew!!!! Such happy news!

This week, as we've been waiting, I kept thinking about the song in the video below. When I first heard it, several months ago. I remember crying out to God saying, "Lord Jesus- You are the joy that is set before me. Byron isn't the source of my joy. Gracie isn't the reason I get up every morning. It isn't our next baby that will fulfill the cry of my heart. It is You! It is You! You are my hope. You are my future. You are the joy, the end goal that is set before me!" I needed to listen to this song again, and keep this perspective. It was my way of surrendering to Him. Please don't get me wrong. I am not untouched by stress and worry. I checked my email more times than I care to admit, and had my cell phone attached to my body at all times during the wait. I guess what I want to say here is that keeping my eyes on Jesus carried me through these past 8 days. Praying, reading the Word, talking with others of like faith, listening to worship music helped me to keep that perspective when I wanted to give up, stress out, or just analyze the situation to death! We are thrilled with today's news. But I know, had the news been different, I could still trust Him and you can too. Love~ Krisa

Twists and Turns

Last week, one of my new blogger friends asked me if I ever worried that our first FET would fail. My answer was, "No." I went on to talk about the things that did bring worry and fear. But as the days went by and I pondered that question, I realized that my real fear back then was that we'd never even get to the first FET! We had had so many roadblocks along the way, and our embryo adoption journey was no exception. I know that God has led us to this second EA, but I am definitely feeling the need to put on my armour once again as we continue to hit bumps in the road.

I wrote in an earlier post that I wasn't as comfortable with our back up donor, as I was with our number one choice. Well, on Friday, I got up the nerve to call the patient coordinator at the NEDC. I told her I was having second thoughts about our back up donor. On Monday, I spoke with the embryologist and felt somewhat better. Later that afternoon, I got a call from the NEDC. I was told that our back up donor had decided to decline us. I was so excited! Whew! God intervened!

On Tuesday morning, we received a new profile to review. We had some concerns.... Later that evening, we met (by phone) with our mediator from Bethany. As we were discussing the change in our donor status, it became clear that there was a misunderstanding. It wasn't our back up donor that declined us, it was our first choice! We were so shocked and disappointed. We don't know why they decided to change their minds, we didn't ask. I don't really want to know at this point. (My mother in law wisely pointed out that God surely has a purpose in this. She said, "You may never know what that purpose is on this side of heaven, and on the other side of heaven- it won't matter!") Once we were off the phone with the mediator, we prayed together and spent the rest of the evening enjoying our Gracie girl! We are so thankful to have her in our lives. She is worth every delay and frustration we ever faced!

I still believe that God has intervened. I sincerely believe that every detail of my life is washed in His grace. I would so appreciate your prayers as we proceed. Right now, my preference would be to start over- again. We need God's wisdom, and we need everything to go smoothly so that we have our open agreement completed within the time parameters that remain.
Thanks so much!!! Krisa

Update: I've been on the phone with NEDC throughout this morning. The patient coordinator has sent us a profile that looks like a great match for us. We've given her the 'thumbs up'. Now we have to wait and see if they accept us. Using this donor would mean that we no longer need our back up.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26